Almost got arrested last night for a bar fight, none of my friends started it and neither did I. It started all over a cell phone. I could of lost everything, rank, security clearance, and my hard earned paycheck. I thought the day was going to be good, slept pretty much all day and then got rodeo clowned by a bunch of friends cause I left my front door unlocked. (It's where they all jump on you while you are sleeping and beat the hell outta you.) Ate some Denny's and for some reason the food tasted really awesome. Then went to the bar where everything was going great until 1am. I will go more into detail about it later, right now, just hungry all over again and still very irritated. I really snapped on everyone and got really pissed driving everyone's drunk ass home. Last time I go back to Temecula, last time I will be DD, and everyone's babysitter. My hands hurt and my jaw hurts, I think I'm going to have a shot or five right now and go back to sleep.

One of my chiefs told me,
"A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' ... That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.' Too many people take my fellow veterans for granted. We have 1 day to remember and you have 364 to forget."

Even if you are not in remembrance for US Soldiers and Sailors, take time to appreciate what the armed forces in your country have done for you. Freedom isn't free, it has been paid for in blood.
God bless those serving, who have served, and the fallen. May your pride and duty never be forgotten.

Talking to a friend last night about scars, pain, and past experiences got me thinking. I laid in my bed last night, going back through my past while also staring at my hands. This entry might turn into a ramble and jump around, bear with me.
Pain, it's not a good thing but it's never a bad thing. If we never experienced it mentally of physically, what exactly would we learn? Pain can leave its impressions on us through scars and an altered sense of thought. I have more scars then I can count, and I remember how I got all of them. Scar around my index finger, I remember picking my finger off the ground. Learned it's not a good idea to try an catch sliding sheet of 1/8" steel. Various slag burns all over my arms, mostly on my hands, throat, and few on my brain case. Knuckle is nothing but on big scars and the other knuckles have crescent moon like scars. Caught my hand between a loading ramp and scaffolding, tore the skin off the bone. The rest came from punching the locker in shaft alley until my hands were a bloody mess (due to finding out my mom passed). Learned watch yourself when moving heavy equipment, and self destruction isn't a good way to vent anger. Just leaves you with more pain, and nothing was fixed.
Mental scaring? I have more then enough to go around, but that something that stays between close friends. I hold my composure quite well, but I have been battling the demons that came after scars were made. I.E. drinking and excessive eating. I dunno, it's crazy when you actually watch and observe people on dA, they wear their emotions on their sleeve. Is that a good way to live? Not at all. Who really wants to have to figure out what kind of you they are dealing with today? Nobody. Consistency is a great mindset to have, but it requires self control. So few have it around here. The people we meet in our life are always going to effect us, even you if say "I don't give a shit what people think". You are only lying to yourself. Denial isn't a good way to live, I'm watching it eat a best friend alive (and he refuses help). I don't know where I am going with mental side of this. I actually just lost my train of thought replying to a text message. Fuck. I guess I'm done rambling. lol
Just waiting for the cable guy right now, so I can stop leeching off my neighbors DSL. This whole 3mb down sucks. But yeah, it's refreshing to meet new people that you can hold a sane conversation with, also have a sense of trust that you have no problem answering any personal questions. Good shit.

Can't wait for November, back on the ship and getting dirty. I've missed the fleet and working my ass off for the past 4 months now. Just want to get back into firefighting and flight deck operations, also try out this new trade of repairing radars. Not to mention the berthing (where everyone sleeps and showers) wars, man, I love a good throw down, even if I get the shit kicked out of me. Really hope I can get back in good with my old rate, and keep welding.
My rate is FULL of pussies and its rather sickening. Because we are supposed to be sailors; the dirty, raunchy, and profane fucks of the sea. No, we are turning into a socially inept navy where we have to mind "feelings" when someone fucks up. Fuck that, I'll put my boot in someones ass if they start dicking around and being stupid. But, I'm always there to pat another mother fucker on the back when he has done right. It's just getting stupid, I remember when you mouthed off to the senior person, he would choke the shit out of you, if not beat your ass. Now, its just talk and paperwork. Now that I'm a senior 2nd, I can't do shit and it bugs the piss out of me. Not only that, these new kids coming out of boot camp have no respect, whine and cry about even the smallest jobs. WTF! I've always followed the old code, respect is earned not given. Now these fucks, watch into a shop expecting it. I had a ITFN tell me "ET2, I've been in for 4 years, you don't need to treat me like a booter", after he asked me "It's foggy downtown, do I need to stand my watch?". Seriously? I asked him "You are fucking serious? I hope you are joking.". That's something a booter would ask. Eh, they don't like to wrestle anymore and they are very docile now a days.
Sucks that just recently I lost a few good friends, due to people in my life. I dunno, I'm not the person to care, but few of these people were really close to my heart. Everyone does what they need to do to feel better, and if dropping contact with me is one of them. More power to them. Just wish they knew exactly what happened.
On a good note, I've cut back the drinking alot, instead of every other day, its now once a week, usually a Saturday or Sunday. Just need to start heading back to the gym more, hopefully it will help me keep my head clear and clean. Never knew fighting the inner demons could be so hard. I guess I'm a sucker for pain, mentally and physically.
Eh, time for school..

That school was by far no joke, and everyone was right. It is one of the hardest ET school. Three guys got dropped and few barely got through. Just glad it is over, and it is time to go home to San Diego, CA. Hopefully everything goes well, so far it is far from smooth. PSD hasn't completed certain paperwork to allow me to get a plane ticket, and I really don't feel like staying here any longer then I have to. About to start packing my sea bag after laundry finishes up, and let some tunes download for the flight. Being in Virgina has been nothing but one bad thing after another, and ready to leave it all. Last day is playing out decent, just gonna goto a buddy's house; BBQ, Beer pong, and smoke some hookah. Good shit.